My demented mind

Where did my life go wrong?  I went to college to enrich myself, but I’m sitting in a grocery store to use wifi since I can’t afford my own wifi.  I can’t get a job, and its depressing me to no end.  I have a tooth ache, and its the second worst pain I’ve had in my life.  I need a change soon, since I’m getting to my breaking point. 

That something I never thought I’d say.  This is coming from the guy who has a chest piece in the works that says, “Can’t Be Broken”.  Maybe I’m a fake, a fraud.  I don’t live by my words.  I don’t know.  I’m trying to stay positive, and keep my head above water, but I feel myself sinking.  As generic and cliched as that sounds, as does this, but I feel like the world is just pulling me under water.  It sucks and is depressing. 

I think of myself as a pretty decent person.  Easy to get along with, fun, charismatic, good worker, dependable.  Why is it such a struggle to find a job?  I’m getting to the point of not being able to afford food.  It depresses me so much.  I can’t ask anyone for money.  I know my parents won’t give me any.

I could just admit defeat, and go back to IL, work at Jewel, and carry on my life.  That would be the biggest disappointment and failure of my life.  It proves everyone right, that I couldn’t make this work, and support myself.  Worse comes to worse, I’ll suck up my pride, and apply at Tom Thumb, Kroger, or Wal-Mart, and do the stocking thing till I get something else……if I do.  I can’t go back, because that would make me want to just end my life (sorry Mom and Dad, if you’re reading), because I can’t face people knowing they were right.  I’m rambling now.   I have some serious thinking to do.

Straight edge - the discipline
The key to self liberation is abstinence from the destructive escapism of intoxication.
I separate from the poison - a mindlessness I’ve alwas abhored.
Usage will only increase the pain - a truth I constantly see ignored.
The pollutants that kill the body breed apathy within the mind.
The substances that once brought release in the end will always confine.
From drug clouded lungs and veins, motivation dissipates.
Imprisoned within addiction, abuse increases untill death overtakes.
Enslaved by consequences, promiscuity leads to despair.
Victims used and abandoned by liars who professed to care.
Self exiled from their insanity - striving to attain higher levels of purity.
The beauty in life is mine to know.
Admist the ruin I survive - I’ve got to stay free.
Damage everywhere - infection at every turn.
Through my refusal to partake, i’ve saved myself.
Abstinence was the beginning.
What’s important is what’s done with the freedom step by step I overcome.
Alone I climb the staircase to edification.